Sweet and Bold

Today while walking to the school to pick up the girls with my neighbors, Quinn and his friend Addie fell into stride and their hands slid into one another's with ease. Izzy joined in and for most of the walk there the three of them held hands, talked, and laughed. Angie and I watched and felt a longing for them to stay just as sweet and tender as they were, for time to just stop. We also wished we'd had a camera. On the way home Quinner got ahead of the group and his friend Warren saw him, sprinted towards him, and they too held hands and continued on.

Tonight as I think about this afternoon I feel a little sad. We start out in life so bold, so brave, and, I realize, we often lose part of that along the way. As children we talk to anyone around. We become instant best friends with kids we only just met seconds ago at the park. We make friends of strangers. We hug. We touch. We hold hands. We are magnetically drawn to others. We notice when people feel sad and want to comfort them. Children are so uninhibited. So able to stop and see the beauty of a flower, to wonder at a bug, to notice with awe a rainbow, a sunset, a dandelion. To see that someone needs a friend or a smile and to give it without hesitation.

Children are so sweet. So bold. I think we lose some of that along the way. Quinn had a pocketful of candy from a pinata and on the drive home from the party he'd attended he stated, "oh, there's some laffy taffy in here, Anna likes those a lot, I will give it to her." How often do we look at what we have and think first about who we can share it with? How different would the world be if we could live like our children? If we could be friends with everyone? If we could hold hands and laugh and love as freely as a five year old? If we could love others without hesitation or judgement?

I'm so grateful for the chance to be a mother and for all the learning that comes along with it. Oh, and for my tender hearted Quinn, may he always stay this sweet!

New Thinking

The other day I was at Becky Higgins blog and she posted this printable which I liked. Go to her sight, she explains it. Basically, if you look at each thing you're doing and think of it as a way to build your relationship with the person you're doing it with, or for, then you will have a new attitude about it. Homework, cleaning my daughter's bedroom, doing laundry with Izzy-these are small tasks which provide time together to be us and talk about simple things. It makes sense. I was thinking about how much I love working on a project with Brett, painting a room or a piece of furniture-it's a relationship building task. I want to work this year on changing my attitude about the things I'm doing and focus on strengthening my relationships.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Look at these two, aren't they cute!? My baby girl and her Auntie smooching. It warms my heart.

I used to hate Valentine's Day. When I was single it was a day to feel awkward and lonely. A day that felt like a mockery of your solitary situation. Also, a day to binge on ice cream or cookies to feel better about said singleness. One year in Provo a bunch of us had a girls' night where we got together and ate and celebrated our singleness/talked about boys all night. I remember distinctly a V-day in Hawaii my freshman year, my friend Katherine and I holed ourselves up in her room watching Friday, burning incense, eating Cheetos and Chips Ahoy chocolate chunk cookies. She had a long distance boyfriend, I had her, and we had a good time, we laughed and talked all night. Why are these nights so memorable? I think feeling loved is what the day is about, not necessarily romantically, but having someone who knows your heart, who spends time with you, and who loves you for you.

I do admit that I think Hallmark invented the holiday to make guys feel guilty about not being romantic and thus forcing them to buy marked up flowers, and jewelry, and giving them a deadline to do it by. Or maybe a teenaged girl invented the holiday to put her boyfriend on the spot about who he really likes. Remember the candy grams? The girls carrying roses and balloons around at high school? Remember getting awkward gifts from guys you weren't really into? Or having an expectation and then being let down? And now, am I the only woman who grumbles if my husband spends twice as much on a bouquet that Hallmark told them to buy when it could be five times as meaningful and a fraction of the cost on any other day? Also, teddy bears. What grown woman wants a teddy bear!? The commercialism of it all is too much.

At our house this day is usually celebrated with a heart-shaped pepperoni pizza and some pop. Are we classy. Absolutely. I will say though that tonight I think it'll be lasagna, we had pizza on Friday. I usually buy a few things for the kids and we look through their valentines from school together. We make sure that the little guys know they are loved, and Brett and I give each other a cheesy card. Will I perhaps give him a foot rub and buy him a Super Big Gulp of Pepsi? Yeah. Because to us, that is what love is.

Happy day to you all!
I love you!

More Than Just a Little...

Merry Christmas! I've been eating more than just a little fudge, and attending my Jazzercise class, well, just a little. 'Tis the season! I'm not ashamed. And it's not going to end until January at least!

Today I started wrapping gifts and I finally ordered Christmas cards. So, if you're one of the two people who reads this blog, send me your address and I'll send you one. It might be February before you get it, but the minimum order at Costco is 50, so I might send you 25 to make up for my tardiness!

Today I am in awe at how my Mom pulled off Christmas with 9 children and somehow maintained keeping up with friends, sending out cards and family letters, cleaning toilets, making dinner, etc. Yesterday I went through my kids' toy closet and pulled out a big box of stuff to get rid of in anticipation of whatever Santa brings. I'm already having anxiety about the toys I'll be tripping over in a few weeks. I may be somewhat of a scrooge in that respect, but what I love about this season has nothing to do with gifts.

What I love about this season is the music. My Pandora "Jingle Bells" list has been playin' since October! I love the lights, going on drives with hot cocoa, and cinnamon or cider scents in my Scentsy warmer. I love making fudge, press cookies, and toffee. I love eating most of it and drinking milk right out of the jug (that's right Mom!) I love that my little Anna writes letters to Buddy, our family's "Elf on the Shelf." I love that every 30 minutes or so, and/or whenever she sees something Christmassy, Izzy squeaks out in her tiny little voice, "Happy Cwismas Mom!" "Happy Cwismas Dad!" I love remembering times when my little brother Carson and I would go shopping and pick out "the perfect gift" for each family member and buy it together with our paper route money. One year in grade school we bought each of our siblings different colored lucky rabbit's feet. (his gift picking skills have improved, sadly, mine have not!) I love that my kids know why we celebrate Christmas, and that they love to hear about Jesus' birth. I love pulling out my Nativity set each year and knowing that I"ll think of my Mom each time I do and there will be a reverence to it, like when we'd unveil our homemade dough Nativity set as kids. I love that my children have that same light in their eyes about the magic of the season that I had when I was little. Quinn asked today if we should make reindeer treats. Anna prayed tonight that our house elf would find somewhere high to land after going to the North Pole so Max doesn't touch him and cause him to lose his magic. Izzy keeps talking about Santa bringing her "pink stuff." I keep remembering little nostalgic moments of my childhood which endear me to my family. The memories, the beauty of freshly fallen snow, the melody of a song, the smiles and wonder and giddiness all speak of love. What I want is more than just a little of THAT. I want to bottle it. I want to preserve it. I want my children to have memories of times together that bind them. I want new traditions to bring us closer, and I want to continue with old traditions too (that means CHINESE FOOD for Christmas Eve, with or without Caralee!) I want to let go of being stressed about what my house looks like or what I'll be giving as neighbor gifts, and I want to just hold on to the good stuff and focus on how beautiful and sweet and innocent and perfect my kids are. I want to "be calm and carry on." That's what I want for Christmas, more CALM. Now, where do I buy that???

So what are you doing to make this year special? What traditions do you cherish? What makes your heart beat at Christmas time?

Housework Avoidance

This morning I sucked a nasty boogered metallic pink bead out of Izzy's nose with a straw. Gross, I know. I also saved myself a trip to the doctor, and decided that I'd have a great day afterwards, I mean, what could be worse than putting your mouth to the end of a straw and sucking at a place that mouths and beads have no business going near!?

So, I was right. A good day it is turning out to be. I have one kid at school, two at Grandma Pat's having a Halloween craft day, and that sweet little one is napping as I type. I may or may not have a Dr. Pepper in front of me, and I may or may not also be dipping into the trick or treating candy early. I just received a sweet email from my brother, a box of Halloween goodies from my Mom, and I've had a really great birthday week. Life is good. Thank you everyone for the notes, cards, gifts, etc. Thank you for making me feel special and loved. That's all anyone ever wants on their birthday is to feel remembered, like they matter to someone. It makes sucking slimy beads out of kids' noses really seem trivial, although I'll hold onto that story because I'll want to share it later when Izzy is old enough to realize how funny it is, maybe when she has a kid of her own who likes to stuff strange objects up her schnoz.

So a week or two ago I came across this blog with a list of journaling topics. I've been thinking about how important it is to keep a journal, or to write at least occasionally about life's events and how you feel about them. It helps you remember what you feel, it helps give perspective, it helps get the angry or the mad or the sad out, it helps you work out internal conflicts, and it helps you see your life more clearly, and in your own handwriting. I think too, that writing helps you to sit down and look at your life and see all the good in it, it helps you have a grateful heart. So I do it here on my blog, but during this season I hope too to write in my personal journal about my life at this moment in time.