Puma wears pumps and pantyhose
Puma whispers in Brett's ear
he smells something funny, Brett dealt it, it's clear
Puma, he sometimes cries in his beer
over lost love, his dead cat, and the scent from Brett's rear
But no not today folks, Puma's beaming with pride
Jill's graduating, finally, his friend, and his ride (if she can get her Mom to come out and push their car back!)
Jill has earned her Ph D-how do you spell this?
Who knows, don't ask me!
But finally she's done it, and gets to move on
no more heckling the staff, no more drafts to write on
She's a doctor for sure and Puma's so giddy
she can write him a script to get out of the city
To take a vacation, get away from his problems
Especially the scent coming from some people's bottoms
From the tops of our heads to the places where we stink
We love you Jill, so much more than you think
We're so proud of you, and Puma is too
For what you've accomplished, except for what you did in the mu-u-udroom.